and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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