Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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