I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
