Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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