So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
