What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
