Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
