my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
