____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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