WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
