Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
