Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
