I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
