Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
