so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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