i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
