you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
