Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
