Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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