This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
