take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
