i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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