im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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