I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
