Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
