ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
