She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
