So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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