Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
