Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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