im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
