So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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