I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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