12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
