woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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