New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
