Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
