i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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