The maid of honor just puked.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
