i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
