I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
