Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
