would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he was CRYING into my vagina
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
