Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i out mim tonsoeep
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