I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
