im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
