My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
