Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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