I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We're too hungover to prance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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