My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
