You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
