listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need water and some morals
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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